The Pain of Photographs

I don't normally flick through the millions of photographs I have stored on my hard-drive. It just takes so long! I've done the usual delete the ex's, delete the ugly photos, delete the blurry photos etc. Today I noticed a different type of category that I just would never delete. It's probably the most painful of all. Although still not something I will ever delete.

Today I noticed just how many photographs I have of everyone else's baby's. I have hundreds. Each with a memory tightly attached. A memory that makes me smile, but also bringing tears to my eyes.

These precious moments are something we take for granted. Each snap we take of those smiling faces with their sparkling eyes. We just don't realise how precious they really are. It is typical of us humans. We never appreciate what we have until it is gone.

My albums are full of these bouncing bundles of joy. I love each one of them so much. But with that love comes sadness. The sadness that those little bundles will never be my own. I'm not even sure I will ever know what that love feels like.

I've always wanted to be a mother. When I say always, I mean since I was a young girl myself, before I'd even hit high school. I thrived at my local dance school when having to lead the little ones around and take care of them. I always baby sat for my parents friends when they were having a night out. I always wanted to know what it was like to be a mother. I've tried to ignore it and change what I want, but there is no escaping it.

After staring at all these photographs today, feeling like a nutter because I'm completely smitten with other people's children, I vowed to do something's some other adults around simply don't do. If I am ever to be truly blessed, I vow to never take my children for granted. I vow to love them no matter what. I vow to never put them down. Especially in public. I vow never to take my personal anger out on them. I vow to be the best that I can be for their sake. I vow to be theirs 100% of the time.

Anything can be taken from us at any God given moment. Remember this next time you feel angry toward someone. Even if you barely know them. You may just regret that anger. Sooner than you realise.

Love and light xo